Have you come across the book The Four Agreements? The Four Agreements by Ruiz are amazing principles we can implement to lead our lives, strengthen our relationships, and boost our joy and healthiness.
These are Ruiz's The Four Agreements.
The First Agreement: Always be Impeccable With Your Word.
This translates to avoiding gossip, falsehoods, blank promises and other manners we create issues with our words. Express only what you mean, and bear in mind that you can produce problems if you're not careful with every word you convey.
This is a wonderful advice. Lots of people don't recognize the capacity of their remarks and see the harm that can be brought about with saying words carelessly, thoughtlessly or forcefully. Most of us are conscious that yelling at a person may be upsetting to them, but subtle little digs at them, or rumor behind their backs, can negatively affect other folks more than we realize, and in distressing them, we damage our very selves.
The Second Agreement: Don't Take Anything Personally.
This 'agreement' deals with figuring out how other people's conducts are a reflection of them only. Every time someone gives us comments about us, it's beneficial to bear in mind that no opinions are really objective; all of us possess our biases, 'filters' through which we see the entire world, and the like. Because of this, we should not take anyone else's perception of us or our acts as entirely correct; every time somebody states a certain thing about us (or anything else), they're really saying something about their very selves and how they look at the world.
This is good instruction for making us feel much better, but take it with a grain of salt. Although everybody has their biases and there is no such thing as complete objectivity, by never taking a thing personally, people can actually limit their capability to see their own unhealthy patterns and biased views, and work on building more healthy patterns and clear-sighted thinking.
The Third Agreement: Don't Make Assumptions.
An awful lot of stress is created when people assume they are aware of what other individuals are having in mind without checking with them. Understanding that other folks might have dissimilar motivations for their actions, even significantly varying world perceptions, and remembering to really try to understand other people and talk about these motivations before moving to conclusions about their behavior, can go a long way toward avoiding interpersonal conflict.
But nonetheless, taking this guideline to an extreme may cause people to disregard their intuition with regards to people, or common sense about somebody's behavior that's damaging. It can also open people up to manipulation should they instruct themselves to believe someone's explanation of undesirable behavior instead of judging the behavior on its own. (For example, not 'assuming' they're being cheated on if their partner is manifesting erratic behavior and the classic indicators of cheating, but strongly denies wrongdoing.) This one is a good suggestion, but should be tempered by inner wisdom and common sense.
The Fourth Agreement: Always Do Your Best.
In this, Ruiz means to do the best you can at any given occasion, and you'll have no regrets. Some days, your best is not as great as other days, and that's all right. Provided that you put honest effort into life, you will have nothing to be ashamed of, and will never 'beat yourself up' over a less-than-stellar performance in retrospect.
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